Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
