Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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