Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
