I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
