If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
