Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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