Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
