I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize