I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
