Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize