I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize