so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
