saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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