no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
