Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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