I need help removing her.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
