I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
