if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
it's like iHOP with fire
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
