I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I supernannyed him into submission
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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