I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
