OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
