I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
