Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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