my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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