bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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