I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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