yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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