I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
