I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
