Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's blow job season.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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