just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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