Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
