So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
