You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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