I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
