She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
