I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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