Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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