Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
