i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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