Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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