can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
