..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
