party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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