thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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