You smell like a Billy Joel song
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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