So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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