I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
