i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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