just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
