I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
