I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
