I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I love you.
Bad choice
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize