So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
