READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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