cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
