i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
