I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
