Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
