did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
