apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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