Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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