Welp...herpes.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
