you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
