the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
