Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
