I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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