The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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