I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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