2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I need to sanitize my soul.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
