i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
