Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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